2 months left before 2017 ends. It’s hard, it’s hurts. It’s a tough year for me. I won’t forget 2017. 2017, where I see myself I am at the lowest point of my life. God knows what I have been through this year. I was at my lowest almost the whole year. I’ve questioned my own existence too. I felt so depressed, unneeded, unloved, useless and completely alone. I lost lots of things through out this year. I felt like crawling into a dark cave and hiding from the world. What I realized was that I was already in a cave. I had isolated myself from my friends and family and I was constantly lying to myself about what I wanted vs what I needed. I created a reality that was not sustainable and put my feelings of self worth elsewhere, where it was not cared for. Of course, I have few friends who still cared about me. Boyfriend who who worried about me. Everyone has been trying to understand my situation and they gave me advices but I feel like this is a problem within myself that I need to fix. I’m gonna change myself and come back stronger that’s what I promise to myself.

I believe no matter how badly I felt, I can and I will survive. It is amazing how much suffering, unfortunately, people go through, emotionally, physically, and survive it. Even thrive. It FEELS badly but let’s just see how far and how much hurts I can endure. As I felt scared and depressed, time doesn’t seem to end, these feelings will not gonna harm me. A bad feeling is not dangerous and it is not permanent.

While I am struggling with myself I thought my close friends gonna make things easier for me but they mean to me, back stabbed me, lied to me, they made me felt even worst and they can sleep peacefully. How? People are so horrible to each other, right?

To people who made me felt like this have a good life and you know what, I will come back stronger. Wait for it. Good luck to live your life cuz remember “You always get what you give. You gave me bitch, bitch will come back to you”

To people who loves me and really tried to understand me and listen to my shitty life everyday. I won’t stop loving you guys❤ and don’t worry too much I am better than before.


Nabila xoxo

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