My heart pounds like a child when I see your name on my phone, everytime. You calls me every night before I go to sleep we talk about everything like there’s no tomorrow. We talk about random things, good times, bad times, our dreams, there’s no secret between us. We did nothing, we just talk to each other and hear each other voice but that make us the happiest.

We are so happy as we are right now. I like you and you like me but let’s just not talk about love. Let’s just not make things more complicated. Let’s just stay like this.

Our feelings are real. A strange story that no one believe can only be seen by us. They don’t know much about us. Isn’t the most important things the feelings we felt for each other are real? Why we have¬†explain to others what we felt for each other?

Let’s not talk about love, don’t try to trap us in the word of love. Don’t asks me why. Don’t make things more complicated. We will hurt each other if we live under the word of love. We are so happy as we are right now, let’s just stay like this.

I don’t want you to make promises because we don’t know what tomorrow brings. I don’t want valentine’s presents on valentine’s day because I don’t want us to become something that we can’t handle. I don’t want to lose you. I can’t see anyone but you. I want to keep you forever. But let’s just stay like this.

Let the fate decide for us. Let the time tell us everything. Let the future answer your questions.

Loves,

Nabila xoxo

Advertisements

You know what’s hurts the most?

When someone mean the world to you, live comfortably without you.

When your absence mean nothing to him.

When you are the only one who still believe he will keep all his promises, that he made to you, years back.

When you’re the only one who in love all by yourself.

When you are the only one who keep waiting for him to change to his old-self.

When he is the only reasons of your teardrops on your bed, everynight.

When you can’t see anyone but him, even he’s the one who hurts you the most.

When you keep asking yourself “how can he be so fine without me?” “did he completely forget about me?” “did she make him cry?” before you go to sleep, everynight.

When you watch 10 tv shows, 10 movies, listen to 100 songs but you still thinks about him, all the times, even it hurts.

When you love him more than yourself, but he gave his love to her, not to you.

You don’t matter to him. Because if you do matter to him, he will act like he care. If he act like you don’t matter, then you don’t.

The person who’ve made the promises to you years back is a different person with the one who you knew now. People changed. That’s how life works. The old him won’t come back to you, not tomorrow, not next week, next month, next year or even another 10 years from now, he’s not coming back.

Don’t wait for him.

Loves,

Nabila xoxo

“Let’s not fall in love, we don’t know each other very well yet. Actually, I’m a little scared, I’m sorry.

Let’s not make promises, you never know what tomorrow comes, but I really mean it when I said I like you.

Don’t asks me anything, I can’t give you an answer,we are so happy as we are right now.

Don’t try to have me, let’s just stay like this, you’re making it more painful, why?

Goodbyes after frequent meet-ups, repetition of broken heart, I can’t find a purpose in these foolish feelings.

A mistake with the mask of love, all the feelings are the same now. But in this moment I want you to stay.

Don’t smile at me, if I get attached, I’ll get sad, I’m afraid that pretty smile will turn into tears.

Don’t try to trap us in the words of love, because it’s the greed that can’t be filled.

At first, it was half excitement, half worries. But in the end it became an obligations trial and error. Day by day I get nervous, your innocence is too much pressure on me, but tonight I want you to stay.

Don’t expect too much from me, I don’t want to lose you either. Before things get too deep, before you get hurts, don’t trust me. But I really mean it when I say I like you”

-Let’s not fall in love // Big Bang

I’m 21, I’m still learning about life. I’ve been through a lot just like everyone else. Now I understand why mama always said that “experience is the best teacher”. From family, friends, love life and society.

Just like others, I can’t run from the bad thoughts, toxic feelings and disappointment. I went through repeated heartbreak with friends, I went through heartbreak with boyfriend, I keep revisiting negative memories, I got confused with my future, I always feel not enough with everything.

People called me clumsy because I never do things right. I always asks God to show me the way, to tell me the reason “Why me?”. Ironically, I never realized that I have a better life more than half of the people out there. I was too busy focusing on what I don’t have, I was too busy focusing on negative things (pain & struggles) in my life.

Well, things might not go well now, but guess what? It’s not forever. Just like happiness. Happiness is not permanent. So do pain and struggles they are not permanent. Take it easy and live well.

Loves,

Nabila xoxo

“Like the tides, my heart is broken. Like the wind, my heart is shaking. Like the smokes, my love is fading. I sigh deeply and the ground shakes, my heart is full of dust.

I thought I wouldn’t be able to live even a day without you. But from what was expected, I’m getting along quite well by myself.

How about him? Did he make you cry? Did you completely forget about me? Why am I so scared to approach or talk to you?

Don’t look back and leave, don’t find me again and just live on, because I have no regrets from loving you. I can bear it in some way. Day by day it will fades away.

Even one day, we bumbs into each other, pretend you don’t see me.”

-Day by day // Big Bang

“A love I thought would be eternal, drew to a close. Even all the many friends I had are leaving me. I’ve gotten older. I guess I’ve become an adult. Why am I so anxious?

Again today, people stay in the past. The world goes on just fine without me. I’m still young. So I guess I’m still immature. Why am I so stupid?

When I used to be happy despite having nothing, it seems like only yesterday. I think I’ve come too far, I can’t remember. It feels like a dreams.”

-Last dance // Big Bang

 

I still gave myself reasons to believe otherwise, though. His actions were always justified by me; he had already give up justifying himself. I was fighting for something that was no longer there.

I saw his texts get shorter and his wait to reply get longer. His excuses not to be with me became a trend, so often that eventually it was expected. The text contained no trace of love not even so much as proper punctuation. No, he did not know when he was going to be free. Sure he was going to try. He always said that.

I had enough, I get tired but my heart said he will change like how he used to be, but what if he don’t? I can feel the distance between me and him getting bigger from day to day. I don’t know what to do, so do him. Because we get tired to fight for things that are not there anymore. And I guess we should stop here.

Loves,

Nabila xoxo