I still gave myself reasons to believe otherwise, though. His actions were always justified by me; he had already give up justifying himself. I was fighting for something that was no longer there.
I saw his texts get shorter and his wait to reply get longer. His excuses not to be with me became a trend, so often that eventually it was expected. The text contained no trace of love not even so much as proper punctuation. No, he did not know when he was going to be free. Sure he was going to try. He always said that.
I had enough, I get tired but my heart said he will change like how he used to be, but what if he don’t? I can feel the distance between me and him getting bigger from day to day. I don’t know what to do, so do him. Because we get tired to fight for things that are not there anymore. And I guess we should stop here.
“You deserve someone who loves you with every single beat of (their) heart, someone who thinks about you consistently, someone who spends every minutes of everyday just wondering what you’re doing, where are you, who are you with and if you’re okay. You need someone who can help you reach your dreams and protect you from fears. You need someone who treats you with respect and love every part of you especially your flaws. You should be with someone who could make you happy, really happy dancing on air happy.”
-Cecelia Ahern, Love, rosie
“We never learn, we’ve been here before, why we always stuck and running from the bullets?
Just stop your crying it’s the sign of the times, we gotta get away from here, it’ll be alright, we can meet again somewhere, somewhere far from here.
We don’t talk enough, we should open up, before it’s all too much. Will we ever learn? We’ve been here before. It’s just what we know”
-Sign of the times // Harry Styles
“My reflection in the mirror is so empty as if there’s nothing there.
I walk alone on the streets but this empty streets feels so empty, I’m an empty shell a coward without you, people around me look at me with pity.
It’s over my love, where are you? When I open my eyes in the morning, my hearts feels empty, I feel the emptiness just like I did before I met you.
You still flicker before me when I close my eyes, but I’ll feel less and less as times goes by. I don’t regret, I’m just a bit of sad, I don’t miss you, i just long for you.
I’m more and more afraid because I’m not like myself before, I’m scared of see myself getting weaker, without you even the air around me is heavy”
-Empty // Winner
It’s okay to get down and be sad sometimes, but that doesn’t mean you should give up on yourself. I know you’re afraid of what you feel because you still need time to heal. You will understand yourself and your heart better when you heal, you will be whole, you will be okay, you can get through this. Don’t be afraid of experience things, don’t be afraid to feel pain again, don’t be afraid to fall again, don’t be afraid to walk alone. You’re amazing, there’s nothing you can’t do.
When you get upset and you have to cry, cry hard. When you’re happy and you have to laugh, laugh hard. When the time your heart is broke and you have to cry, cry hard. When the time life disappoints you and people come to comforts you with their hugs, hugs them hard. When people love you, love them hard. When people ignore you, ignore them hard. When life doesn’t go as you planned, have faith. In life, do what you have to do. Face what you have to face. Cry when you have to cry. Laugh when you have to laugh. Have a good laugh when you have to laugh & have a good cry when you have to cry. Don’t avoid anything. Surround yourself with positive people. Have faith. God knows what’s best. He knows everything. Have faith.
Sometimes life disappoints you, sometimes you get angry, sometimes you get sad. People will always disappoints you. But at some point you have to stop being so angry, you have to stop being so sad, you have to stop care too much. Start being gentle with yourself. At some point you have to let it go and be happy. Love yourself and spread love to others. Dress up and feel good about yourself. Use make up as much as you want, dress however that you want. Be gentle with yourself. Care less about others and love more about yourself. They don’t matter. You matter.